| Fun Stuff: |
| How about some alcohol related jokes ? |
| Why did the Mexican throw his wife out the window ? Tequila
|
| Does beer make you smart ? It made bud weiser
|
| A woman walks into a bar with a chicken in her hands, the bartender
says "Hey where did you get that pig ?"
the woman says "it's not a pig it's a chicken"
the bartender says "I was talking to the Chicken" |
| What do you call an alcoholic actor? Ham
on rye |
| Alcoholic- A guy you don't like, who
drinks as much as you do. |
| Acute alcoholic- An attractive drunk
|
| Beer Baron- Malty millionaire |
| Cocktail party- A gathering at which
you meet people who drink so much you can't even Remember their names.
|
| Hangover- Wrath of grapes |
| What's good for a hangover? Drinking
heavily the night before |
| Intoxication- A physical state in which
one feels sophisticated without being able to pronounce it |
| Lesbian Cocktail Lounge- A her-she
bar |
| Liquor Store- A stupor market |
| Urination- What Israel was told in
1948. |
| As the cop helped the bruised and battered drunk up from the floor
in front of the bar, he asked "Can you describe
the man who hit you?" "Oh yes" , said the drunk. "That's just
what I was doing when he hit me." |
| He offered her a scotch and sofa, and she reclined |
| Some people have no respect for age unless it's bottled |
| Two drunks went bear hunting in the mountains. They came across
a sign in the road that said Bare Left, so they went home. |
| Some girls are discreet up to a point and some girls are discreet
up to a pint. |
| A millionaire we know has filled his swimming pool with martini's
he claims it's impossible to drown, since the deeper you sink the
higher you get. |
| "Just look at me" declared the robust oldtimer. "I don't smoke,
drink or chase women and tomorrow I'll celebrate my 80th birthday"
"You will ?" asked a friend "How"
|
| A fat man was seated on his front steps drinking a beer when a busybody
spinster from down the Street began to berate him for his appearance.
" What a disgusting sight" she said "
If that belly was on a woman I'd swear she was pregnant" the
man said " it was and she is" A large muscle man approached the bartender and said " I see by the sign in the window that you're Looking for a bouncer. Has the job been filled yet ?" "not yet" says the bartender " have you had Experience?" "no", the man admitted, " but watch this !" He walked over to a loudmouth drunk at The back of the room, lifted him off his feet and threw him sprawling out into the street. Then, Returning to the bar, he said " how's that ?" "great !" admitted the bartender. " But you'll have to Ask the boss about the job. I only work here". "Fine " said the muscle man. "where is he?" "just Coming back in the front door" |